Chapter 1: Know Who You Are
Summary
This chapter probes the question, “Who am I?” My experience throughout my career in software left me to contemplate my life’s goals and purpose. After seeing both the great good and immense evil that we can do through our work, I was left wondering what makes the difference in choosing the good or the bad. After seeing careers consume 365 days of the year and generating wealth, yet not resulting in lasting personal happiness, I was left exhausted, and wondering what makes for a fulfilled life. The aftertaste of affluence is boredom, as Michael Novak observed. I thought there had to be more.
Experiencing the ups and downs of the business world left me exhausted and wondering what life is all about. Is working for career and money the ultimate value of my life? Is there an alternative to living in adversity and conflict? Does my value come from productivity and money? Is there an alternative to cheating and lying to get ahead? What is happiness and how do I achieve it?
Why are we alive? What is our vocation, and how can we discern it? How does this relate to the diverse roles that we play in our lives? What is important, and what is of absolute importance?
Is my life just a series of events, of unrelated coincidences or do they individually and cumulatively contain a message and a personal meaning? On a deeper level, this chapter explores the question of who I am as a human being. What does my life, or anyone’s existence, mean? Especially in business, the question of ultimate value and goal of the human person is foundational.
When I manage employees, develop products and services, advertise and sell to customers, engage investors, partners and the community, each with different, sometimes competing interests, I have to know what ultimate goal I am pursuing. Without this I cannot prioritize goals.
Too often, my actions were born out of others’ expectations or visions of me. I felt like I lived someone else’s life. But I did not have a competing vision. It’s hard to know what I want if I don’t know who I am.
In this chapter, I introduce the concept of vocation, which is our “mission from God” and apply it to our life. I explore ideas on how to integrate our lives, determining the various roles we play and the responsibilities that challenge us. I explain God’s call for each of us to participate in creation, to “co-create” the world with God. This is not a one-sided effort. God leaves much of it up to us, and we can help more or less, depending on our level of self-mastery.
Major life decisions can be difficult because they often come down to trade-offs. How do I decide what is important? By determining what is of absolute value to me. Figuring that out will make trade-offs easier.
In this chapter, I take you along on my journey of gradually formulating answers to all these questions through John Paul’s writings, and reflections on his actions.
Back to the TopExercises
Exercise 1
Make a list of your life roles (add your own):
Assuming you have ten roles outlined, assign each one a value of one to ten. The one with ten points represents the role you find most important, or that is your highest priority. The one with only one point is the lowest priority.
Create a circle like the one here, and list each of your roles in one slice of the pie. The number of slices should equal the roles so that you get an entire pie.
For each of your roles, with a blue pencil mark the pie up to the level that represents your current focus on that aspect of your life. (Circle-scale of 1-10, 1 = none; 10 = a prominent role)
For each of your roles, with a red pencil mark the pie up to the level that represents your desired focus (based on “The Importance of my roles” exercise) on that aspect of your life. (Give your number one role a 10, and from there on down in diminishing importance until you get to 1)
List each role that has a negative discrepancy to the ideal (value is lower than the ideal you envision):
A
B
C
D
Etc.
Next to each role, list 4 concrete actions you can take to increase the focus you give this role in your everyday life
List each role that has a positive discrepancy to the ideal. (Value is higher than the ideal you envision):
A
B
C
D
Etc.
Next to each role, list 4 concrete actions you can take to put the focus you give this role in your life at your intended level.
Make a to-do list and rank them according to importance–not the urgency of the issue but the importance of each role. Do the tasks of the important roles first, and schedule them into your calendar every day.
Exercise 2
Make a list with each of your life roles. Formulate your aspiration in each role. Envision what stretch-goal you could achieve in the next five years in each role and reflect on what it takes to achieve that, what will be gained from it tangibly and from a “integral ” life perspective (i.e. look at life and all your opportunities and problems from the eternal perspective, not from only a temporal one… look at it in terms of what matters in eternity).
| Stretch Goal in 5 years | Required Action | |
|---|---|---|
| Spouse | ||
| Parent | ||
| Child | ||
| Sibling | ||
| Employee | ||
| Parishioner at Church | ||
| Club Member | ||
| Friend | ||
| Leader at work | ||
| Citizen | ||
| Teacher | ||
| Official | ||
| Self | ||
| Caretaker | ||
| Student |
Ask yourself what it takes to reach that stretch goal, what specifically you would have to do.
Ask yourself if your current efforts are in proportion with your aspiration for each role? Ask what you would have to sacrifice in order to achieve this goal and write that down. If two roles’ demands compete, take the integral view of your life and determine the degree to which you want to pursue each of them. (Refer to the pie chart as a reference point of how important different roles are and then give the stretch goals of that role precedence over stretch goals of roles with smaller pie slices)
If your roles do not change from year to year, you might not want to do this exercise each year. You might instead want to build your future yearly plans by taking each role and do this exercise by asking, “ what is important to me?” (List the role) and then ask “What am I going to do about it?” and “What are three concrete actions that make me radiate God more in this role?”
Exercise 3
In the pie chart below, use a blue pencil to rank yourself in each area based on your current “health” in that sector of your self.
Here are some questions to help you with the ranking:
Spiritual: Each person has his or her own way of being spiritual, of being in conversation and contact with God. But we all have a sense of the degree in which we are in touch with God. Do you feel you are in a good relationship with God, or are you consciously disconnected or estranged from God? From a scale from 1 to 10, how healthy is your spiritual life?
Psychological: How stable are you psychologically? Do you have unusual mood swings, feelings of stress and/or anxiety? From a scale from 1 to 10, how healthy is your psychological life?
Emotional: What is your level of cognitive or emotional well-being? Are you calm and “even” or do you get angrier than usual, feel anxious or misunderstood? From a scale from 1 to 10, how healthy is your emotional life?
Intellectual: Are you constantly learning new things, interested in expanding your knowledge, curious? Is the media or reading you consume mainly for entertainment or do you spend time nurturing your intellect? From a scale from 1 to 10, how healthy is your intellectual life?
Social: Do you have an active social life? Do you have close friends; relationships that are of a “deep” nature where you feel accepted, understood and loved? From a scale from 1 to 10, how healthy is your social life?
Physical: Do you have a healthy lifestyle? Do you proactively work on staying fit and healthy? From a scale from 1 to 10, how healthy is your physical life?
Back to the TopPrayer
Prayer 1
Show me, Lord, the strength to be found in my weakness. For many of us, the experience of weakness hits hard. Weakness is the experience of a peculiar liability to suffering, a profound sense of inability both to do and to protect: an inability, even after a great effort, to perform as we should want, or achieve what we had determined, or succeed with the completeness that we might have hoped. It means openness to suffering. It means that we are unable to secure our own future, or protect ourselves from adversity, or ward off shame, pain or even interior anguish.” — Sacred Space
Prayer 2
Whatever you shall be in life, whichever calling you choose, remember, that the fundamental calling of a human being is to have humanity. And you must always realize that fundamental calling, always and everywhere I fulfill my calling to the extent that I have true humanity … only one who is truly human is truly a child of God. (Karol Wojtyla, Meeting with Graduating High School students and working youth, June 1969)
Prayer 3
I pray for patience with those still skeptical of a relationship with a loving God. “Just like in other human relationships, intimacy can’t be forced; it must be chosen.” — Regi Campbell, About My Father’s Business: Taking Your Faith to Work
Back to the Top Recommended reading
Books that helped me introspect and find meaning in the events of my life and pointed at possible courses of action:
The Theology of the Body Human Love in the Divine Plan by Pope John Paul II
Love & Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla
Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love by Dietrich Von Hildebrand
The Way to Christ, Spiritual Exercises by Karol Wojtyla
Authentic Happiness, by Martin Seligman
Introduction to the Devout Life by Francis De Sales & John K. Ryan
The Return of the Prodigal Son by Fr. Henry Nouwen
The Way, Furrow and The Forge by St. Josemaria Escriva
What does God want for me? De Sales Spirituality Center
The Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher
Finding God’s Will for You by St. Francis de Sales
The Four Loves by C.S.Lewis